Where's the good?

I am trying to find the the good , and it seems way too elusive
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You know the expressions - shooting one's self in the foot, or, we are our own worst enemy? They are ringing so very true for me right now. The ringing is so loud, like bells tolling in my head.

I had two jobs lined up - or so I thought. I wasn't sure how I would decide which one to take when I would finally be faced with that decision. Foolishly, after the interviews with both places, and the certainty that was given to me at both places, I suspended my job search. How effing stupid was that?

When the first one called me last week and said that I was NOT getting the position afterall, I was kind of shocked. But, I tried to look at in a way as not a personal way. I chose to pick out the negative aspects of the job and became thankful I didn't get it. Besides, I had the other one in the bag (as I was led to believe). It was just a matter of time until it came thru.

This morning the phone rang. They went with someone else. I was speechless. I still am and I don't know what they are thinking. I know the other person that was up for it, and I am more qualified, better suited for it and already had marketing plans in place for them (which I had shared with the interviewer and she was all excited by it). By the way, I worked for them before, built them a HUGE business, made them an a$$load of money and trained other managers for them.

So, here I am. Back to square one. I can't stop crying. I am scared as hell. I don't want to burden or scare my family right now. My friends are all at work. I can't even talk without bawling. I know I have to begin the search again, but I have just totally run out of steam.

Maybe tomorrow I can find the good that came out of this. Maybe.